


Each Other Afloat

by SaadieStuff



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, M/M, Other relationships mentioned - Freeform, Parabatai, Parabatai Bond, Post-Episode: s03e10 Erchomai, Suicidal Thoughts, eventual confessions of love, parabatai rune worship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-05-20 18:11:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14899460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaadieStuff/pseuds/SaadieStuff
Summary: Following Lilith’s defeat, Jace and Alec are on the run from the Clave. All they have is each other. (Canon compliant through 3x10 but then leading to eventual Jalec.)





	1. Most Nights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Be warned, in Chapter 1, Jace is having a really hard time, struggling with a lot of guilt and trauma. It’s not fun stuff.**
> 
> In case you're used to my other work and skipped the tags, **I just want to be clear that this fic will feature Jalec as a romantic pairing**. If that’s not your thing, I hope that one of my Malec fics or platonic parabatai fics might delight you instead! :) Those can be found [here](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saadie/works).

Everything went to hell in a handbasket following Lilith’s defeat.

The Clave put the pieces together on the Malachi Configuration heist, scapegoats were sought for the Valentine debacle and ensuing slaughter, and finding no trace of Clary, the Clave set itself on punishing Alec, Jace, and Izzy. And not only them, but anyone they loved or cared for who could be used to get them to surrender.

They decided their only choice was to ignore their instincts to fight, and instead to run, and to keep running until things changed. They still had allies within the Clave, and after such a disaster a leadership change was inevitable - but whether it would prove more or less favourable remained to be seen...

~~~

Evading the Clave would be simple - once they got enough distance from New York the search area would become impossibly large - so long as they were careful, sneaky with communications, and kept their heads down. The Shadowhunters among them could be tracked, but vigilant use of anti-tracking runes would conceal even them.

Except Jace.

Since being freed from the Owl, Jace had been unhinged, emotions unpredictable, guilt flaring unexpectedly and overwhelming him. When that happened his runes would flicker, activating and deactivating without a stele, his own angelic powers corrupted against him. Sometimes it occurred in his sleep. Beyond his control, he would endanger the entire group, constantly risking his detection by the Clave and revealing their location.

Alec dismisses out of hand Jace’s self-destructive, though expected, suggestion to let him alone surrender to the Clave while the rest of them evaded capture, and comes up with another plan.

“Jace and I aren’t coming with you,” Alec tells Izzy after pulling her off to the side, “We’re going on a boat. The Clave can’t track us over water if it’s deep enough.”

“A boat? It’s brilliant! We should all go,” she says, largely ignoring the first part of Alec’s sentence.

“No, Izzy,” he shakes his head sadly, “Believe me, I’ve thought about it. But it’s too hard to sustain that many people. We’ll have to keep coming in to land, and it’s too dangerous with Jace... And I know none of us want to say it but it _will_ be months, could be _years_ until things are sorted out. At least you can have some kind of life on land.”

She frowns at him, “Those are just excuses Alec, we could figure it out.”

“The Clave has issued orders Izzy. We’ve already wasted hours - they’re going to find us here soon even if Jace's runes don't set off. We don’t have time to sit around and--”

“Fine,” she says, defiant, “Then let me come with you. Four people isn’t too many.”

Alec flinches at _four_. He looks away.

“Alec… Magnus is going with you, isn’t he?” Izzy asks slowly.

“No. He’s staying put with Caterina,” Alec does his best to present the information like a report, to keep his tone free of emotion, “His father has arranged protection for him - Asmodeus stills wants him for something... The Clave won’t dare touch him - he’s safer than any of us will be. And he has a bunch of mundane money so he bought me a boat. And that is the last sacrifice I’ll let him make for me. For Jace.”

“Oh Alec…” Izzy says softly, eyes wide and sad, “...tell me you didn’t...”

“Do you realize how much I’ve managed to screw up his life in two months?” Alec says frantically, losing the control he had over his voice, “He _lost_ two of his oldest friends, was tortured, _lost_ his position as High Warlock, had to confront his abusive prince-of-hell father, _lost_ his magic and his immortality. All because he got tangled up in my messes. And you wouldn’t believe what he was coming up with to do next--”

“Magnus doesn’t blame you for those things--”

“He doesn’t. But he should,” Alec asserts.

“Alec…” she puts her hands on his arms, “I know things are not good right now and you're scared and feel like you're responsible for everyone. But we're all in this together. We all need each other. And you and Magnus give each other strength. You--”

“It’s the only way I can protect them both, okay?! I don’t know another way!” Alec snaps at her, pulling away.

She doesn’t blink.

“I’m sorry,” he says immediately.

“Already forgiven,” she nods, “I know you’re tired and stressed and getting a double dose of it with Jace.”

“Yeah…” Alec admits, exhaling deeply and rubbing the back of his neck, “Jace’s emotions just feel so… _close_. It hasn’t been like this between us in a long time. Maybe not since the early days after our ceremony.”

Alec moves his hand to his parabatai rune, _their_ rune. He can almost feel Jace’s heart beating through it now. When the Owl was cast out it had left a void in Jace, and Alec had flooded in to fill it.

“Even more reason why you shouldn’t do this on your own,” Izzy protests, “I know you can take care of Jace but you need to look after yourself too and you won’t. Magnus loves you, and--”

“He’s tired, Izzy. He’s tired and he’s in no state to be supporting _me_. He… he needs to figure out what it all means for him… without me… needing him. He needs... space.”

 _Today, he asked me to leave_.

But Alec doesn’t tell Izzy that. Alec knows logically that some of the crushing weight of guilt he feels is coming from Jace, but Alec greedily claims ownership of it all, designating himself the villain - for letting Magnus give up what he did, for not realizing what was going on with Jace much sooner, for being both a terrible boyfriend and parabatai, for--

“Let me come with you,” Izzy tries again feebly, already knowing the answer.

“Iz, I need you to look after Mom, and Max when you meet up with him and… Dad. And Simon is a wreck. And--”

“Okay,” she sighs in reluctant agreement.

“Really?”

“You won’t be alone. You’ll have Jace.”

~~~

And so a few hours later the parabatai find themselves on a boat.

It’s a small, used boat, though large enough to handle long trips good distances from land, with a kitchen and a small bed in the cabin. The previous owners left old books on the shelves and fishing gear on the deck. Caterina stocked it with other supplies with a snap of her fingers, then risked much to portal them to it on a distant coast. 

But now they are on their own, moving quickly away from the portal spot in case it is traced.

That night, Alec tries to shield Jace from the worst of his heartache over Magnus, fearing adding fuel to the fire of Jace’s grief over Clary. But Jace rallies to pull himself together and lets Alec be the one to fall apart.

In the days that follow, Alec doesn’t sleep much, between trying to keep a look out for any sign of threat, and not trusting that Jace won’t throw himself off the boat if he does close his eyes. Alec tries to busy himself with figuring out how to live on a boat, and does his best to drag Jace’s nose into it as well for something to focus on.

Occupied as Alec keeps him, the guilt eats away at Jace during the day. Sometimes Jace’s thoughts snowball faster than he can turn away from them, raging emotions calling without permission on all his runes to trigger at once in his defence - and it’s sensory overload.

The time Jace fights so hard to stay in control, to keep his runes quiet, the guilt hits like a wall inside, making him nauseous. When he throws up off the side of the boat the memory of the rank taste of the Owl’s black tar fills his mouth. Moments later, collapsed in Alec’s arms, through tears, Jace blames seasickness, and Alec plays along, murmuring about rough waves in Jace’s ear as he rocks him in a smoother rhythm.

As if the torment of the day isn’t bad enough, at night it’s as though Lilith still has Jace in her cage. Sleep is how Lilith had him from the start.

The bed in the lower cabin is small, just wide enough for the two to sleep side by side on their backs, walled in on the right, top, and bottom, with a low angled ceiling. Alec always takes the left side, saying his too-long legs need all the space they can get - in reality it’s so Jace is boxed in and can’t leave without waking him.

And Alec _is_ woken by Jace, every night, though not as he sneaks _out_ , but by screams of being trapped _in_ a nightmare.

Alec tries at first to coax Jace awake gently, but it rarely works, and he has to shake him, call his name, until Jace jolts up violently, only Alec’s grip on him preventing him from smashing his head into the ceiling.

Jace hates how broken and ashamed he feels every time it happens. Like he can’t do anything right, can’t even sleep properly, can’t let Alec get any peace, can’t help but cry for the people he hurt, killed, and for himself. But maybe that last one is progress.

Then Alec wraps Jace up in his arms - the assurance of this the only reason Jace tries to sleep at all - and most nights Jace feels safe enough to drift off again. Most nights Jace doesn’t wake them again once Alec has a hold of him, curled around his back, strong arms surrounding him, soft words against his neck, lulling him back into a quieter unconsciousness.

By the second week on the boat, they go to bed like that every night, not waiting for the nightmares to excuse their union.

In the mornings, when they unfurl, Alec stretches out as much as the bed allows, and Jace lays against Alec’s side for a while, head on his chest, Alec’s arm around him, lazily tracing abstract rune patterns on his back. Jace will slip his hand under Alec’s shirt, stopping to rest on Alec’s parabatai rune before moving up to the place where the arrow had pierced flesh, needing to touch to know he’s awake, free of the horror of his dreams, that at least Alec is real, and alive.

It had startled Alec the first time - Jace’s clammy hand on his bare skin in a caress that crossed new lines between them - but thereafter it had become their daily routine. And routine was good, even one born of terror.

And as always, there’s no mark on Alec’s chest where Jace’s fingers explore, and it’s smooth, save for the fine wiry hair there. But Jace never fails to find the exact spot, and Alec never fails to absolve him, pulling him closer, whispering forgiveness, until their stomachs grumble for breakfast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo, what did you think of my first foray into the land of Jalec?
> 
> Chapter 2: We get into Alec/Jace as a romantic pairing. But Jace is a little too vulnerable for that right now so they have a bit of a journey first.
> 
> P.S. Save Shadowhunters!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	2. Confessions and Kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec had told himself that he was only seeing what he wanted to see in Jace’s actions, that none of it meant Jace wanted him like that, loved him like that - that their heated fights and soft makeups were no metaphor. But perhaps what Alec had seen was the truth all along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the lovely comments on the last chapter!  
> This is much more dialogue heavy than I would have liked but the boys needed to talk!

Alec wakes from his most restful sleep since Lilith's defeat spooned behind Jace, arm wrapped around him, and hard length pressing against Jace’s ass.

As soon as his condition registers in his mind, Alec rolls away politely - short distance that he can manage on the small bed - hoping Jace isn't already awake.

No such luck.

“Alec…”

“Sorry about that,” Alec says, nonchalant - not embarrassed, blushing, horrified or sputtering like he would have been had he found himself in the same situation a few months ago.

“It's fine. Happens,” Jace says, subconsciously trying to sound casual, rather than _wanting_ _,_ as he rolls over to face Alec.

“Yeah,” Alec mumbles distractedly as he settles onto his back and palms over the sheets at his erection roughly, trying to dismiss it.

“I’m sorry I'm not who you want...” Jace ventures with quiet regret, words half swallowed by his pillow.

He almost misses Alec’s faint snort.

“What?” Jace asks.

Alec turns his head towards Jace, and the soft, meaningful look on Alec's face plainly spells it all out.

“Really...? Still?” Jace asks. In his head his voice is a little too high, a little too hopeful.

Only Alec’s silence answers. _Yes, still. Maybe always._

“Sorry if that's weird,” Alec adds to his unspoken confession, now staring up at the ceiling, “But I guess you’re used to it by now, huh?”

“I--I actually didn’t think--you know, anymore...” Jace awkwardly rattles out the words, throat suddenly gone very dry, “…your feelings for Magnus were–- _are_ so strong that I… yeah...”

Alec considers this for a few long moments. The conversation feels overdue, and yet the last time they’d gone anywhere near it, not all that long ago, they’d been in a bad place, and come to blows - Jace confronting Alec about his feelings, and Alec holding a blade to his throat for his efforts.

But flying so close to the sun doesn’t worry Alec today. He’s not sure how, but he _knows_ in his bones that nothing can break them now.

“I fell in love with Magnus so fast that it scared me sometimes,” Alec explains quietly, “But that never replaced how I felt about you.”

“Oh…” Jace manages to croak out, not trusting himself to speak, and quickly recognizing the danger of letting emotions rule him.

“Wish it had though. Then I’d only have one person to get over now instead of two,” Alec muses wistfully.

Jace doesn’t answer, stomach knotting in a coil of nerves and excitement, threatening to derail him.

“Jace, are you okay?” Alec asks slowly, peeling his gaze from the ceiling to turn towards Jace, noting the burgeoning stampede of emotions coming at him from Jace’s direction.

“You don't have to get over me,” Jace blurts out, syllables tripping over each other, his eyes wide as he startles himself with his own words. He looks away quickly, refocusing his gaze on his hands fiddling intently with the sheet gripped in them.

Alec’s face scrunches in some confusion, eyes narrowing. “Jace, I think we should--”

“You don't have to get over me... because you can have me. I'm yours. That's all I am now,” Jace says, sure of himself at first, then voice cracking harshly over the last few words, those born of fear as his control slips.

“Oh, Jace..." Alec sighs sadly, trying not to sound as alarmed as he is by Jace's line of reasoning. Alec begins to pull himself up into a seated position as best he can in the cramped space, intending only to settle in for a long talk.

“ _Please_ , Alec,” Jace suddenly begs - for what, he doesn’t know - but the little distance Alec has just put between them feels like it’s drawn the dark back in, and he crowds in on Alec, reaching for him blindly.

“No. _No_ , Jace,” Alec says as he actually backs away this time, too fast, nearly right off the edge of the bed, “I'm not going to let you--you _give yourself_ to me just because everything is fucked up and--and you feel guilty that I can't have Magnus? You don’t want that, you don’t want me-- You never-- and I would never-- I--”

Alec stops abruptly then, seeing Jace’s eyes shining with tears, a glow beginning to emanate from Jace’s runes, and realizing his own sharp reaction had been fed by Jace’s panic thundering through their bond.

“I’m s-sorry. I’ve ruined it. I’m sorry,” Jace says as he pushes past Alec to get out of the bed, feeling certain he’s just wrecked them.

Alec is frozen for a moment as his mind scrambles to catch up, to wrest control from the grip of Jace’s emotions. By the time he succeeds, Jace has stumbled several steps out of the bed.

“I can’t-- I _can’t_ unless…” Jace shakes his head, almost chanting to himself, “...and now you won't-- won't--”

He’s falling apart faster than he even knows.

“Whoa, whoa,” Alec calls after Jace, leaping from the bed and getting ahead of him, placing two firm hands on his shoulders, “Let’s sit down, okay?”

Jace doesn’t resist as Alec slowly walks him backwards and sits him on the edge of the low bed before crouching in front of him. But as Alec reaches to take Jace’s hands, Jace pulls them away, instead wrapping his arms around himself protectively, bracing his shaking body against the onslaught of seizing runes, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Hey, look at me,” Alec tries gently, because they figured out weeks ago that folding in on himself is the worst thing Jace can do.

But Jace doesn’t respond.

“Jace, just… let me in... please,” Alec says helplessly.

Together they’ve gotten so good at defusing these episodes, but this one feels different, this one feels like it’s _about_ them, and Alec is at a loss.

As Alec’s own parabatai rune begins to throb almost painfully, he reaches for it instinctively, but then halts, suddenly understanding that he has to go to the source, and presses his hand to Jace’s left flank instead. Jace doesn’t react - he’s not in this world right now - not until he flinches as Alec’s colder fingers slip under his shirt.

Alec slowly traces Jace’s parabatai rune with his thumb, not needing to look at it to follow each line and curve exactly. As Alec completes one, two, three… ten, paths over the symbol, it stops flickering, and the rest of Jace's runes follow suit. A few shuddering breaths later Jace is back to himself.

“Damn it,” Jace swears harshly, running a hand through his now sweaty hair, “I just… let myself feel something and everything else came out with it.”

“It’s okay. I got a little swept up myself…” Alec admits, feeling a guilty for it, thinking perhaps he could have steered them away entirely had he been paying more attention.

“I'm just frustrated.”

“I know. But it has been better lately…” Alec smiles a little, but it can’t cut through the deep concern etched on his face.

“So… that was a neat new trick,” Jace says, trying to sound upbeat for Alec's sake.

“Just felt like the thing to do,” Alec says, looking down as he finally lets his hand slide away from Jace’s rune.

“You’re freaked out,” Jace concludes quickly.

“I’m not freaked out,” Alec assures him as he gets up from the floor to sit next to him on the bed, “It just upsets me that you’ve come up with this idea of a new way to punish yourself.”

“It’s not like that Alec. It’s that I love you,” Jace says emphatically, his old trademark confidence sparking, except here it’s real - not merely a mask like so many times before.

“I know you love me, but not like _that_.”

“Actually a bit like that ya…”

Alec frowns, “After all this time, you’re suddenly in love with me?”

“It’s not sudden. I have been for a long time. I know it’s hard to understand but--”

Alec shakes his head, his gaze landing on a pretend focal point across the room, “You don’t need to say this… stuff…”

“Stuff like the truth?”

Alec sighs and closes his eyes, head hanging.

“You’d know if I was lying,” Jace reminds him.

“I’d also know if you were in love with me. Then _and_ now,” Alec retorts.

“Before, I didn’t know myself, so how could you?” Jace says softly. “And now? Maybe you’ve noticed but lately there’s a shit-ton of emotions passing between us all the time. Gets a little jumbled I guess,” Jace explains the rest matter-of-factly.

“Jace…” Alec says, for the simple reason that it’s the only word he can form at the moment as he thinks back on their shared past. There had always been intimacy: private smiles, lingering looks, unnecessary touches, jealousy. Alec had told himself that he was only seeing what he wanted to see in Jace’s actions, that none of it meant Jace wanted him like that, loved him like that - that their heated fights and soft makeups were no metaphor. But perhaps what Alec had seen was the truth all along.

“When I was trapped in my mind, there were brief moments where it was just me, none of the... horrors…” Jace swallows sharply, “Just me. And there was a weird kind of clarity. It was on purpose I think, because Lilith needed to know it all, even the things I denied myself, so she could... twist every last shred of anything good I had.”

Alec stares back like he’s seeing Jace for the first time. “By the angel, Jace... I-- but-- not knowing? Before?”

“If I’d consciously let myself acknowledge how I felt, do you think we would have lasted five minutes without breaking all the rules? Not a chance. Not with how messed up we were as teenagers, how desperate we were for affection. And if we’d been caught? _Raziel,_ it would have destroyed everything.”

“That doesn’t explain--”

“It was _survival,_ Alec. It’s how I was raised. How Valentine raised me. To love is to destroy - that’s all I knew until you loved me... So while you were doing a crappy job of hiding your feelings from me, I was busy hiding my own feelings from myself.”

“I’m sorry.” Alec can’t help but feel old guilt for how dangerous his feelings had been, how much of a threat.

“It had to be me, Alec. You couldn’t have an outlet, but I could. I didn’t even know I was doing it but I found plenty of distractions… And it was working. But honestly, I think it was all coming to a head between us… just before--”

“Clary and Magnus came along,” Alec answers knowingly.

“Yeah. And they became more than distractions.”

They had indeed proved to be so much more. Nephilim love once, fiercely and true, and that had been Magnus for Alec, Clary for Jace. But that needn’t be the _only._ The same Nephilim soldier can have another love, one that sneaks up gradually, roots deeply, sometimes before they even know it’s happened, so there’s no sharp delineation, no before and after, just enduring, existing, love. Jace for Alec; Alec for Jace.

“It’s… I’m just trying to…” Alec struggles.

“It’s a lot. I know,” Jace admits, offering a small smile.

“And you’ve been hanging on to this since you’ve been free of the Owl?”

“I guess… but there’s been so much going on in my head… and heart. I think I locked it away again, because I didn’t know you still felt the same… Because if it’d turned out I’d missed you by a few months on that… I mean… well, fuck.”

“Survival,” Alec nods slowly, understanding.

Jace nods back, chewing his lip nervously, “So… uh...?”

“I don’t know.”

“Okay…”

“But you understand nothing can happen--”

“Alec, by the angel, if you quote Clave crap right now,” Jace warns, “That was just a stupid story to control us, I’m sure of it--”

“Fuck the Clave,” Alec interjects sharply, before adding more gently, “What I was trying to say was, nothing can happen until you're more comfortable in your own skin...”

“Oh,” Jace sighs, “Alec, I know how I feel. I--"

“If I took advantage of you right now--"

“ _Raziel_ , Alec, I’m not suggesting we jump into bed this second--”

“Emotionally, Jace, I meant--well and _that_ but--”

“You wouldn't be taking adv--"

“--I’d never forgive myself. _Never._ ”

“Alec--”

“You've been through so much. And so have I. We owe ourselves some time,” Alec cautions, the tenderness of his tone clearly ending any debate.

Jace’s lips curve into a lopsided smirk then, despite himself.

“What’s so funny?” Alec asks.

“Always the cooler head,” Jace says slyly, with a light elbow jab to Alec’s arm.

“That’s never going to change,” Alec says, smile breaking across his face.

~~~

In fact, nothing changes at all, for they’ve merely both arrived at the place they’ve each been waiting all along.

They talk a lot over the next weeks, more than they have in years. Though it’s not all with words - even the long silences have meaning.

They talk about Magnus and Clary, sharing in heartache, and realizing it had been no coincidence they both fell so hard at the same time. And they talk about each other, about what they went through alone. What they're _going_ through. Over and over they lay themselves bare to each other but feel not a trace of vulnerability.

When they tire of serious topics, they meticulously plan their life on the boat, fishing and other chores, pretending they’re on a mission so it doesn’t feel so sad.

And things are easy between them; the comfortable, innate sense of trust that had drawn them together in the beginning guiding every word and every touch.

Completely in sync, sparring sessions on the small deck last hours, ending in draw after draw, endless energy flowing between them. They used to be like this, their bodies extensions of one another. Alec wonders if it had been he who’d put distance between them, scared Jace would discover his secret - one which Jace eventually figured out anyways.

But it’s of no matter now as they make up for lost time.

~~~

The first kiss comes in a moment of levity, the closest they’ve come to real happiness since everything happened.

They’re in the water, chores complete, swimming leisurely to cool off after a hot day - until playful splashing ensues.

Eventually they tire from treading water and both cling to the boat ladder, smiling and shaking off their dripping-wet hair like dogs.

The water stills with them as they catch their breath, only their legs moving smoothly, well below the surface.

That’s when Jace leans in slowly, intent clear, hungry but nervous gaze flicking between Alec's eyes and mouth, until Alec’s lids flutter closed and lips part in invitation.

The kiss lasts only a few seconds, one continuous movement, soft and slow but deep, despite their lips, noses, and scruffy beards being the only parts of them touching at all.

Alec barely catches Jace’s bottom lip, giving it the lightest pluck, as Jace departs.

They both keep their eyes closed for a moment, though Alec longer. He regrets that he only catches a brief glimpse of Jace’s shy smile before Jace turns to climb up the ladder.

Alec lingers in the water another half hour after.

~~~

Jace waits for Alec to come to him the next time. It takes some days, but he does, though in despair.

They had missed their check-in with their family that morning. It’s a complicated system involving fire messages and burner phones to thwart any Clave monitoring of either system. It could be that some component simply failed, that someone screwed up, or, that everyone has been captured. They can’t be sure, and it will be a week until the next check-in, even if everything is fine.

They’re making dinner, Jace sitting on the high counter in the tiny kitchen, legs swinging off the edge, watching the fish grilling on the stove top aimlessly. Then a comment about Izzy's cooking slips out and they both break a little.

The next thing Jace knows, Alec is standing between his dangling legs, arms wrapped around his back, face buried in his neck. Jace returns the embrace and they stay like that until the hurt is a little less.

When they sag apart, Jace cups Alec's face in his hands, but it's Alec who presses forward until their lips touch.

This time it's a little frantic. Mouths open to each other over and over again, noses pressed almost uncomfortably into cheeks, Jace hands moving to Alec’s neck, then tangling fingers in his hair. And Alec’s hands sweep over Jace’s back, fisting in his shirt, actually pulling him to the edge of the counter, closing any distance between their bodies.

The sharp corner of desperation and desire parts them.

Alec begins to pull back, breathless, shaking his head slightly, firm grip easing.

“It’s okay. It’s okay,” Jace soothes, trying to keep Alec close.

But Alec is already stepping back.

Jace catches Alec’s hand. _Don't go._

“Not like this, okay?” _Not in sorrow._

“Okay, just--”

They're interrupted by a sharp crackle from the stove as the fish begins to burn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so many thoughts about this chapter and canon and Jalec getting together for the first time this late in the timeline. Hopefully the way I did it worked for ya! If you feel like it, let me know below!


	3. Tether

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warning there is an image at the bottom of the chapter. Not explicit but just FYI!**

“I'm going to go chill in the cabin for a bit,” Jace announces.

“Everything alright?” Alec asks, ever on alert.

“Yeah,” Jace answers with a confident smile. Everything _is_ alright. A successful morning of fishing, days since Jace’s runes have activated on their own, and their latest check-in let them know there have been some signs of progress with the Clave, while their family and friends remain safe.

“You sure?”

“Can’t a guy let a guy have a little alone time?” Jace quips.

The last thing Alec wants right now is alone time - if anything he wants Jace even closer, wants to kiss him again -- but he plays it off as a joke, a smirk and a raised eyebrow casting it in innuendo, “Alright, enjoy your alone time.”

Jace rolls his eyes but he’s grinning, “I meant you! I’m actually feeling like myself today so I thought _you_ might enjoy some time where I’m not attached to you at the parabatai rune.”

 _No, not really._ “I’m glad you’re feeling better,” Alec says instead.

~~~

It’s not twenty minutes before Alec comes to Jace, slinking down the steps into the dimly lit cabin. Jace is lying on his back on the bed, ankles crossed, eyes closed, arms bent up as extra cushion behind his head, and one of the old books that came with the used boat abandoned next to him. When Alec sets foot on the floor, Jace’s eyes fly open.

“Come ‘ere,” Jace invites, voice raspy, because there’s no mistaking the look on Alec’s face for one of want, but his cautious approach seeks permission. Jace props himself up on his elbows, his crossed legs falling open as Alec begins to stalk towards the bed, kicking off his sandals.

Alec has been waiting for a moment like this - one where they can be sure it’s for want of each other, not only want of comfort - though that’s certainly there too.

Alec crawls slowly onto the bed into the space between Jace’s legs, which willingly bend to accommodate him. Alec leans over, cups Jace's jaw and kisses him earnestly, but clumsily, as they struggle to balance as knees and elbows sink into the too soft mattress.

Jace lowers his shoulders flush to the bed and Alec chases the downward motion with only his lips at first, but soon the rest of his body follows to settle between Jace’s legs, seeking every point of contact possible.

For a minute they stay wrapped up in each other, holding fast, almost perfectly still save for the languid, endless kiss drawn out between them.

Jace revels in the feeling of the weight of Alec’s body on top of his. Half swallowed by the mattress, Alec’s tall frame heavy across his whole body and beyond - Jace could hardly move even if he wanted to, yet somehow he’s never felt so free.

But as the kiss speeds, bodies engage, and soft gasps sound as rolling pressure begins to travel from connection to connection, as touches start to roam.

Jace’s hands make their way underneath Alec’s shirt, skimming over his back. Warm, calloused, fingers dancing over strong muscles twitching under the feathery caress. No words are necessary - they both know they need more of that.

Alec sits up to pull his shirt off, too fast, about to hit his head on the low, slanted, ceiling---

“Careful!” Jace exclaims, grabbing at him.

They laugh as Alec struggles to remove his shirt in the short alcove, not managing to avoid an elbow to the ceiling.

“Ow,” Alec said as he pitches forward to help Jace remove his own.  

As their shirts land on the floor somewhere, as the giggles fade, they find their progress stunted, Alec kneeling between Jace’s legs, Jace splayed out on the bed, their gazes locked. Stillness, silence - a moment ago, easy - suddenly, awkward.

Jace looks away, down, and fumbles to start undoing the drawstring of his shorts. But Alec quickly places his hands on top of Jace’s, stopping him.

“Wait, Jace, we can… slow down… if you want? If you’re nervous?” Alec offers, knowing Jace _is_ nervous, able to sense it through their bond now that he can think straight.

“No I’m--” Jace initially starts to deny it, but quickly gives in to the truth, “Maybe a little. But so are you.”

Alec wipes his face with his hand, hoping to focus himself. “A little,” he admits.

Alec flops down beside Jace, their bare shoulders touching, but distinct is the feeling that it’s not enough, and that it will never be enough again.

“You go first,” Alec says.

Jace fights the instinct to squabble, to deflect. He stares up at the ceiling. “I’ve just never been… never with…”

“A guy? I figured. But it’s okay, we can do whatever you want.”

Jace smiles. _If only it were that simple._

“That’s not actually what I was saying...”

“Oh?”

Jace’s smile fades, his eyes close. “I’ve never been with someone… you know, that I love,” he swallows hard, “Someone who loves me. Clary and I never…” The grief at the thought of Clary stings even more than usual, at what they never got to have.

Alec hadn’t considered this. Not only had he assumed that Jace had slept with Clary, but he hadn’t really thought about the distinction at all. Afterall, he’d only done this with one other person.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t be talking about Clary when we’re--”

“No, it’s fine. I’m glad that you’re telling me,” Alec interrupts gently, stretching an arm across himself to rub Jace’s bicep, “Go on.”

Jace sighs, “Not much to tell. I was just afraid if I let her get that close, she’d see something… in me. Something not good.”

Alec shakes his head softly, but firmly, rolling onto his side so he can better study Jace’s face. “No, there’s nothing _not good_ in you.”

He says it with no hesitation and such conviction it’s _almost_ enough to convince Jace.

“Look, I know me saying that isn’t going to magically make that feeling go away, but--”

“It helps,” Jace says quietly, looking towards Alec now, reaching a hand to stroke Alec’s face, delighted when Alec’s lips twitch involuntarily into a grin.

Jace strains his neck so he can kiss that smile, and soon Alec is turning over closer, melting into Jace’s side, hardening cock rubbing against Jace’s hip through their shorts.

“Alec…” Jace eventually breathes between them, signalling it’s Alec’s turn to talk.

But Alec quickly silences Jace with the slip of his tongue.

“Alec,” Jace tries again, this time nudging them apart with his nose, but it only serves to drive Alec to occupy his mouth on Jace’s neck instead.

Jace squirms, “Alec... I’m not… that... easily distracted.”

“We'll see about that,” Alec murmurs against Jace as his hand moves deliberately down Jace's torso.

Jace loves this playful side of Alec - a side that Jace has historically known to come out only when they’ve spared together, and even then, not always. Jace wants to give into it, to lose himself in the heat of Alec’s mouth against his pulse, but when he concentrates--

“Alec,” Jace growls, tone making Alec finally stop what he's doing and collapse against him, “Spill.”

“It’s not important,” Alec says dismissively.

“Yes it is.”

Alec sighs deeply. “I just have to… get over it. There's nothing you can say.”

“I'll think of something,” Jace says, going for levity, but pulling Alec closer, _safer,_ letting him bury his face firmly in the crook of Jace’s neck.

Alec falls quiet and still, his hot breath landing calm and even on Jace’s skin, only the too rapid beat of his heart betraying him.

After many long seconds have ticked by, Jace feels a slight shift against his shoulder as Alec sets his jaw, the steady rise and fall of his chest disrupted. Jace can’t see it, but he can picture Alec’s nose twitching that way it often does.

“I keep expecting... to feel the way I used to. The way I used to when I would… you know, _get off_ thinking about you… about us… together, like this… It wasn’t good.”

It ties Alec's stomach in knots even now just to think about the shame - he’d felt sick with it sometimes. _In love with his parabatai. A violation of a sacred oath. Eros is forbidden. What would Jace think?_

Jace understands what Alec is referring to even though he’s never had to feel that way himself - at least not about sex. Jace has certainly known shame, not in isolation, but parceled with other pain.

“I’m sorry you ever had to feel like that. All alone…” Jace says, crooking his neck to place a kiss on Alec's head, “I wish I had--”

“No,” Alec says, bravely raising himself to look at Jace, placing one arm on Jace’s chest to steady himself. They’ve talked about this - how it couldn’t have been different.

“I’m here now,” Jace whispers, “And I'll be right here if you start to feel…” he trails off and reaches for Alec again, thumb tracing Alec’s jaw before drawing him in for a soft kiss, “I'm here,” he murmurs against Alec's lips.

Slow, comforting, kisses follow, but the fire is gone.

“Damn,” Alec says, pulling back but resting forehead to forehead, “I really wanted this to just be about us. To be simple, easy. You know?”

“Hey, I'm easy. You're the one who stopped me from taking my pants off,” Jace says, smirking.

That earns a laugh from Alec and the mood shifts completely.

“I did, didn't I?” Alec says playfully.

Jace smiles a wide mischievous grin and nods into a fresh kiss.

Now interrupted only by smiles, laughter, and whispered teasing, Alec moves his hand down Jace’s body until his hand slips inside the front of Jace’s shorts to palm over his bare, half-hard cock.  

“Stand up for me?” Alec hums in Jace’s ear.

“I’m working on it,” Jace says slyly.

Alec laughs, “I meant actually stand up. This bed is too short for me to...” he licks his lips.

“Oh,” Jace says, eyes going wide.

He gets up eagerly and slips his shorts onto the floor. Alec follows him, swinging his legs to sit on the edge of the bed, so he comes face to face with Jace’s cock.

As Alec wraps his lips over just the tip, tongue swirling around it, Jace is already needing to brace himself, planting one hand on the wall and the other gripping Alec’s hair.

“Holy shit,” Jace gasps.

Alec responds with a pleased hum as Jace’s cock swells rapidly in his mouth. Alec continues to suck on the head, runs his tongue along the length, kisses up and down, wet lips dragging across it. As he draws a wide lick over the crown, Alec peers up at Jace through his eyelashes, before turning his attention downward, closing his eyes and taking in as much of Jace’s cock as he can manage, coaxing Jace to full hardness with a few long, slow sucks.

“Fuck! Alec, _Angel_ , I think I’m getting a double dose of... whatever. Is it ‘cause our rune?”

There’s a sloppy noise as Alec’s mouth slides off Jace’s cock. “I think so,” Alec answers, without looking back up at Jace, first noting how Jace’s cock is now straining tightly to Jace’s belly, and then out of the corner of his eye glimpsing their rune on Jace’s hip, just inches away.

It feels so natural a thing to do Alec doesn't even give it thought before he kisses Jace’s parabatai rune, mouth hot and open, dragging lips and tongue over it. Jace half laughs, half groans, for the _fuck you_ it is to the Clave, for how searing Alec’s mouth feels on his skin.

Alec is sure he’s imagining it, but the skin of their rune seems to taste sweeter, and saltier, than the rest of Jace he’s tasted so far.

So Alec does it again, teeth skating along the dark lines, licking at it.

When he stops, the air feels especially cool on Jace’s wet skin under Alec’s breath. Jace shivers.  

Alec murmurs an apology against him, hands stroking Jace’s hips soothingly, while feeling a little embarrassed for how single focused he’d gotten.

“No one else has ever kissed me _there_ before,” Jace confesses softly, words falling before the truth of it even registers in his mind.

The other Shadowhunters Jace had been with treated his parabatai rune with reverence for the sacred bond that it represents, and avoided giving it attention. Downworlders too - regardless of how each had felt about Shadowhunters, the sharing of a soul garnered respect and deference. But still, Jace can recall one particularly cheeky Seelie who’d come close to setting her mouth upon it - as she had his other runes - but he’d told her off, not even realizing he’d said, “ _Not_ _that one_ ,” outloud and gruffly enough that she’d listened.

Most curious of all, even mundanes, who can't see the rune and would have no understanding of it even if they could, have known instinctively that spot on Jace’s hip isn't for them - the magic around it repelling them gently as it draws down into Jace’s soul and touches its mate.

Alec of course thinks of only Magnus. He'd touched Alec's parabatai rune, laid hands on it, but never with any intent. And he'd never put his mouth to it. But Alec thought that was just a Magnus thing, because he respected Jace, and knew of Alec’s feelings for him - in fact, one of the first things Magnus ever learned about Alec.

“Magnus neither?” Jace asks.

Alec’s momentary deer-in-headlights look tells him the answer. Jace mentally chides himself for managing to bring up both Clary and Magnus.

“Sorry, again, for bringing up--”

“Shh, it’s okay,” Alec hushes him, kissing his rune one more time for good measure.

Jace moves his hand from Alec’s hair around to his jaw and guides him to stand up. They kiss, uncoordinated, as together they remove Alec’s shorts and underwear.

“Lie down,” Jace instructs, and Alec obeys.

He crawls next to Alec and reaches for Alec's cock, but as his hand encircles it, Alec tenses.

This is the thing Alec has been most expecting to send him back into old, dark corners - Jace’s hand on him, the way he used to imagine it when he was alone, frustrated, scared, ashamed.

“Okay?” Jace asks, having frozen in place upon immediately sensing apprehension in Alec. He can feel Alec quivering underneath him, or he thinks he can - he’s not certain in this moment if it’s physical, or only something intangible he's picking up through their bond.

Alec breathes tentatively, testing how he feels, “You’re here.”

“I’m here,” Jace says. _I’ve got you._

“I’m okay,” Alec assures both Jace _and_ himself, before rocking up into Jace’s hand to encourage him.

Jace adjusts his unfamiliarly backwards grip - Alec groans and Jace understands he's doing something right. He's always been a fast learner, especially when motivated.

They intend to take their time exploring each other’s bodies, re-learning familiar frames in a whole new, _naked,_ context.

But with so much build up, neither has the patience for long. Alec pulls Jace on top of him, aligning their cocks between them, moving his hands to Jace’s ass to embolden his thrusts.

They spill out, one right after the other, not sure themselves who came first, their pleasure twinned, interwoven, undefined, as their bond quakes, awaking to the tether of a new eternal thrum.

~~~

[ ](https://postimages.org/)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I kind of have a little bit of plan for a 4th chapter but it's very undeveloped so I'm just not sure when or if that's going to happen so I think I'll leave it here for now!


End file.
